SO FUCKING DEPRESSED NOW

Nothing depresses me more than friends not acknowledging my existence....no...make that my greatness. I have an ego, I will not kic you, but the point where I don't fit in where I want to belong...where I *do* belong, I get more sad than anything else. Of course This lovely revelation is responsible for it.. Not her fault at all because she just existed at the right spot at the right time...the time *I* should be there.

I mean fuck, I might even know this person from North Peace. She hails from Fort St. John, and born the same year as me. She goes to SFU doing a BFA. I can't help but feel that she exists in the whole Vancouver scheme of things. She by no means "taken" it away from me because I wasn't there to vy for it in the first place. But FUCK.....this is the exact type of thing that makes me feel like Rob, feeling like I'm missing everything, a feeling that I try my best to avoid and if not at least deny.

I've tasted being part of an art group, hell even an art show. And to say this doesn't depress the fuck out of me by putting how pathetic I acted and putting my life into perspective...is a outright lie. I could have been a part of this...more clean and precise and let's face it..ORGANIZED. Gawd I hate ththis. I have to meet this Nicole and live through her now. I have to.